Helping Students Communicate Career Decisions with Parents and Other "Key Stakeholders"

As a career advisor, I have a clear understanding of the powerful skills and tools that students take from every major. When I speak with students, I am passionate in the way that I convey this knowledge, and am rarely short-winded when I articulate the different methods for taking their interests and aptitudes to the next level. My passion for these exciting themes is ever-present, but I need to be mindful that the student may be feeling fear or pressure from home, surrounding their career decisions.

Anecdotally, we in career services tend to see an uptick in usage surrounding breaks, which we attribute to the fact that apprehensive parents are hounding their students with questions like, “have you been into the career center?” Or “what are you planning on doing with that major?” As we focus on working with students over the next few weeks, it will be increasingly important to remember that some students have a very real fear of describing to their parents how a B.A. in English, or Philosophy, or even Psychology will provide the necessary foundation for a successful (and financially rewarding) career. Here are some quick insights we can offer our students to maximize the effectiveness of their conversations.

Be Aware of Your Lens

We see the world through a unique and highly subjective lens. This is fantastic, because it allows us to make meaning of all of the things going on around us – and prevents us from going completely crazy! The problem is that most people go through life unaware that they are seeing every topic through that lens, which doesn’t align with everyone else’s. That misalignment is often strongest between parents and children. Frequently, parents feel that they have “lived life” and have wisdom that they can pass to their children, but conflict often arises from the misalignment of this parental wisdom and youthful desire to forge a path all their own. When working with students, it is important to provide them with language and tools to communicate their career aspirations to their parents and family. This may come in the form of providing data, thoroughly explaining their values and passion, or simply providing them with disarming language like: “Mom, I know that you want the best for me, and that you are genuinely concerned with my ability to have a better life than you did.” “Grandpa, I know that you want to make sure that I’ll make enough money to be comfortable.” These disarming statements allow students to frame a discussion in a way that places everyone on the same team.

You’re Going to Assume – So Make Your Assumptions Positive

I am fully aware of the catchy quips about assumptions – but rather than tell students NOT to assume, something that we do 100 percent of the time anyway, empower them to make assumptions work in their favor. When we assume the worst, the worst has a way of presenting itself. We wait on baited breath to catch and identify the very moment the conversation spins to meet our negative expectations, often calling it out with an “I knew it” or an “I told you!” If this sounds familiar to you, congratulations, you’re officially a human. Let’s encourage students to create a different group of assumptions. The vast majority of the students I work with (often only after some deep conversation) usually tell me that their parents or key support figures care a great deal about them. You may have heard of “self-talk” to energize for a big presentation or an interview, but self-talk can be incredibly effective when preparing to broach challenging topics as well. Along with disarming statements, as students prepare to convey their career aspirations to their parents, you may want to encourage them to utilize the following self-talk tip: Make a list on a piece of paper, highlighting all of the different ways that the person you’ll be speaking with has invested in you. Let this list go on as long as it needs to, and make it truly inclusive. Note financial costs (orthodontics, transportation, housing, food), list time commitments (coaching, homework help, driving you places, late night discussions when you’ve had to make a tough decision) list emotional investments (consoling you when you’ve had your heart broken, celebrating your successes, crying for you and laughing with you). If negative thoughts creep in, shut them out – this is not the time for them. These steps should be taken right before the student plans on having the conversation. This may help students get into a more positive and productive mindset.

Practice your Talking Points

While working with students, I always suggest if they have a challenging topic that they would like to broach, practice discussing it first. They may feel comfortable asking some friends to play devil’s advocate, seeking the assistance of an advisor, counselor or mentor they trust, or simply practicing in front of a mirror. It will feel bizarre to them at first, but the practice of presenting main ideas may boost confidence. It is always good to listen openly and be willing to accept advice, however, it is also important to be firm and ready to discuss your values.